FROM MELTDOWNS TO MEANING: A PARENT’S GUIDE TO BEHAVIORS

BIG FEELINGS, LITTLE VOICES

As parents and caregivers of little ones, we’ve all been there.  Your toddler melts down in the middle of a grocery store.  Your preschooler throws a tantrum at the park.  These moments can feel overwhelming, but there’s good news.  All behaviors are communication.  At Speechie Auntie, we don’t see behaviors as “bad.”  Instead, we view them as important clues.  For young children, behaviors are often their way of telling us something important.  A meltdown, tantrum, or refusal might mean your child is tired, frustrated, or overwhelmed.  It could also mean they’re seeking attention, trying to avoid a task, wanting a toy, or needing sensory input to feel calm.  When we pause and ask why a behavior is happening, we can respond with patience, empathy, and practical strategies that help children build both communication and emotional skills.

A CLOSER LOOK AT THE REASONS BEHIND BEHAVIORS

All behaviors that happen serve a purpose.  Even the tricky ones.  For toddlers and preschoolers, behavior is often their way of sending us a message when they don’t yet have the words. Most behaviors fall into a few common categories:

• Attention – “Look at me!” Sometimes kids act out because they want our eyes, our voice, or our presence.

• Escape or Avoidance – “I don’t want to do this.”  A child may cry, run away, or refuse when they’re trying to get out of a task or situation.

• Access to Something – “I want that!”  Behaviors may happen when a child wants a toy, snack, screen, or activity.

• Sensory – “This feels good (or too much) to my body.”  Some kids seek movement, noise, or pressure, while others may try to avoid sensory input that feels overwhelming.

When we pause to ask, “What is my child trying to tell me?”, we shift from reacting to understanding. When we understand the why behind behaviors, we can respond with empathy and use strategies that teach children healthier ways to communicate their needs.

SIMPLE WAYS TO ENCOURAGE POSITIVE BEHAVIORS

Here are a few ideas you can use with your little one:

1. Stay Calm and Connected

Your child looks to you for cues.  Keeping your voice calm and body language relaxed helps them feel safe and supported.

2. Name the Feeling

Try: “I see you’re frustrated because the blocks won’t stack the way you want.”  Naming emotions builds emotional vocabulary and helps children feel understood.

3. Offer Choices

Choices give children a sense of control. For example: “Do you want to wear the blue shirt or the green shirt?”  This simple shift can reduce power struggles.

4. Use Visual Supports

Visual schedules, first/then boards, or even simple pictures can help children understand expectations and transitions.

5. Reinforce the Positive

Provide specific positive reinforcement by acknowledging exactly what your child did well. For example, instead of simply saying “good job,” try, “I like how you cleaned up your cars.” A smile, high-five, or kind word paired with specific praise encourages children to repeat positive behaviors.

6. Teach Replacement Skills

Instead of just saying “no,” show your child what they can do. For example, if they grab a toy, model saying: “Can I have a turn, please?”

KNOWING WHEN TO ASK FOR HELP

If behaviors feel frequent, intense, or interfere with daily routines, it may help to partner with professionals such as a Speech-Language Pathologist, Occupational Therapist, or Behavioral Therapist.  At Speechie Auntie, we support families in helping the child strengthen communication skills while also addressing the behaviors that often accompany communication challenges.

THE ROLE OF A SPEECH-LANGUAGE PATHOLOGIST IN BEHAVIOR SUPPORT

As a Speech Therapist, I don’t just focus on speech and language skills.  I look at the whole child.   Many behaviors are rooted in communication difficulties.  When a child can’t express what they want, need, or feel, frustration often shows up as challenging behavior.

Here’s How I Can Help Your Family:

• Build communication skills: Teaching children functional ways to request, protest, or share their needs will help children to reduce their frustrations.

• Introduce visual supports: Introducing tools such as picture cards, communication boards, or AAC (augmentative and alternative communication) will help children express themselves more clearly.

• Coach families: Partnering with parents and caregivers to model strategies to use in everyday routines to encourage positive communication will help children reduce meltdowns.

• Collaborate with other professionals: Working alongside occupational therapists, behavioral specialists, and teachers to create a holistic plan will help support the child’s communication and behavior.

When children feel understood and empowered to express themselves, challenging behaviors often decrease, and positive behaviors soar alongside their confidence.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Behaviors are not a reflection of “bad kids” or “bad parenting.”  They are moments where children tell us what they need.  With patience, understanding, and the right tools, we can turn challenging moments into stepping stones for growth, connection, and communication.  At Speechie Auntie, we’re here to walk alongside you on that journey.